Post-Post-Modern Possibilities

Today we have a special treat with a fun guest blog from Samuel Black. Please enjoy his quirky vision of a movie mash-up of Independence Day 2 and Jurassic Park 4. Thank you, Sam, for sharing your silliness (or is it INSPIRATION) for this week’s Toast to Cinema!

Follow Sam on twitter! Until some scientist/historian/artist/smart-person says otherwise, we are living in the Post-Modern era. We are allowed freedom to do what we want artistically, which means a lot in the movie business. In the days of yore, you had to stick to the boring old ‘riveting plot’ and that shallow attention-getting strategy of ‘in-depth character development’. Today, we have unlocked the world of explosions, sex, and for the new Godzilla movie, CGI (computerized giant iguanas).

The stark differences between the Modern era and the Post-Modern era often stir the innards of my head. What would the Post-Post-Modern era look like?

Fade in to close up of a well-trimmed hedge

(VO)

From the mind of Steven Spielberg,

Pan up to beautiful flower, above hedge, glowing in the sun’s rays. A purple butterfly lands on it with 52 black spots on each wing

(VO)

With the twists of M. Night Shyamalan

Butterfly explodes as large laser engulfs the screen in flames

(VO)

And the action, of Michael Bay

Pan across suburbs of New York as emergency sirens go off in background. As an eerie shadow spreads across the quiet (except for the sirens) streets, camera pans up revealing the rest of the city in the distance. It is exploding. Camera pans higher to reveal alien spaceship from Independence Day.

BLACK SCREEN WITH LOUD BOOM

(VO)

They came back

Fade into ({obviously} Female President’s office.) She has a serious look on her face.

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SIGOURNEY WEAVER

What are our options?

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ADAM BALDWIN

(He’s obviously been promoted to the best position that isn’t a president since the last movie)

Well, Mrs. President, they’ve learned a few things since our last run-in.

Fade to alien fighter ships flying over a group of police men. Then police are firing into the air at them.

ADAM BALDWIN

They are bullet proof…

BLACK SCREEN WITH LOUD BOOM

Fade into alien on fire but not caring.

ADAM BALDWIN

Fire proof…

BLACK SCREEN WITH LOUD BOOM

Fade into a alien ship taking out a large fleet of agricultural aircraft

ADAM BALDWIN

…and crop duster proof.

BLACK SCREEN WITH LOUD BOOM

ADAM BALDWIN

But there is a fourth option.

(BALDWIN emphasizes the word ‘fourth’)

Fade into back shot of JEFF GOLDBLUM as he turns around. He is wearing thick framed sunglasses that are more just like tinted glasses

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  SIGOURNEY WEAVER

Dinosaurs?

JEFF GOLDBLUM

Yes. The organization was created to bring back a species that was previously extinct. The program had been going on for years with only a few minor incidents.

Show clips from Jurassic Park 1 and 2.

SIGOURNEY WEAVER

(Turning to James Rebhorn)

Why wasn’t I informed of this?

JAMES REBHORN

…Plausible deniability?…

BLACK SCREEN WITH LOUD BOOM

Fade in on large poorly lit meeting room full of important people

OTHER WORLD LEADER

So you are suggesting that we build an army. Combining Dino-DNA with human fetuses?

SIGOURNEY WEAVER

It is no suggestion. We are building it as we speak.

OTHER OTHER WORLD LEADER

Whose DNA did you use?

Cut to booted dino-foot stomping heavily on the ground. Pan camera slowly upward. Fade to black. Cut to gloved dino-hands cocking shotgun. Continue with an upward pan, fading out. Cut to dino-face. It is much like SPIELBERG’S velociraptor, except that it now has more pronounced chin, and eyebrows, black frizzy hair, and thick framed sunglasses that are more just like tinted glasses

DINO-SOLDEIR

Nature will always find a way…

BLACK SCREEN WITH LOUD BOOM

(VO)

JURRASSIC PARK 4

BLACK SCREEN WITH LOUD BOOM

(VO)

2019

Cut to black

Take out a loan for fourth summer home